Cactus, cucumbers & frigid melons

SOW -The only thing looking perky in the conservatory during these lovely hot days we are having at the moment is the cactus. Loving all the sunshine and 45 degree heat. Look at all those flower buds then look at my poor cucumber looking so sad and hot and bothered. I was so concerned I put up a few parasols to shade the cuttings and give the gorgeous beastie a little relief. We have been so lucky with fruit- 7 cucumbers so far- long and firm and tasty. My sister Lindy chose the plant from the nursery and she did a fab job. I planted it in May, then only about 6 inches high, directly in the soil which had manure dug into it and then I watered it. I watered it a lot, probably a bucket worth every day but no special tending (except the parasol spa treatment) No feeding or pollinating or tying up...not like the MELONS. What a bunch of wasters they are! I was tempted with the fabulous picture on the plant -all orange juicy flesh. I was so excited, I googled it and cared for it but what work. Apparently you have to pollinate it yourself as they can't do it themselves (weirdos) so you have to wait until the female flower (you know its female because it has a mini melon behind the flower) which is a fantastic rich sunny yellow and as big as a dinner plate, opens at the same time as the smaller male flower. But they never open at the same time! I am running about doing my homemade cryogenics by putting male flowers in the deep freeze and using the pollen when I need it but that didn't work. 

Catching bees to do the job for me but they did not seem interested. I guess they thought forced labour was a bit below them and they buzzed off. I tried not doing anything - thinking that I was maybe interfering too much and that they might like a bit of alone time to work it out together. Then I thought maybe I wasn't pollinating it right and little Barry White, some low lights and a little something in the drink to help things relax a bit. But I had no results - the melon would grow to about the size of a golf ball and then shrivel and fall off. Frigid melons !Then one day …..a female and a male flower opened at the same time! The moment had arrived.  No time for foreplay. I picked the male flower, tore off its petals and stuck its little pecker into the female's soft thick stamens. It was all over in an instant. Blatant open sex at mid morning before we have even had our coffee break. 

HARVEST - Well we will have to wait to see what happens with the melons but the cu's have been wonderful. One every 4 days or so. Just cut it off with a small sharp knife et voila !

EAT- Cucumbers are lovely in a salad warm from the plant. But if you find that you are harvesting too many then you can make a sweet pickle with dill seed, white wine vinegar, mustard seed a little sugar. Slice the cucumber quite thinly and put it in a sterilised jar (just put it in the dish washer and use it straight away) and top up with the pickling mix. Lovely served with hot or cold salmon or in a salad with fresh BBQ seared tuna. 

What are these boys doing in the female flower ?

Golf ball size melon. Will we eventually taste that sweet flesh ? Tune in for the next installment of My Melons (Over 18's only please)